Nothing like a crack to the head to make you think...

I had a long talk with my brother today. He's still recuperating from his accident. My relationship with my brother is good but I can't remember a time when he and I ever had a serious conversation about anything. Tonight we were talking about his accident. He's still extremely sore, can't sleep lying down because of the pain, and just found out that he does, indeed, have a few fractured ribs which they didn't find until today. The space from his hips to his head is terribly bruised from the impact and his head still throbs and he suffers from an almost constant headache from the serious whack to the windshield he had with his melon.

As he was telling me about this whole experience and recounting seeing what remains of his car, his eyes welled with tears and he told me that what really bothers him about the accident is the complete loss of any memory of it. He says that all he can remember from that whole day was leaving his drive way for work and then later, much later, being unbuckled from the stretcher in the hospital. He told me that for the rest of that day as the doctors tested and scanned and poked and prodded him he just quietly let them do whatever they needed to do and didn't say much to them. He said this was because he couldn't remember anything that he was afraid that he had had a stroke and caused the accident. Even though people around him were telling him that he was the one who was hit, he was still afraid that he had caused this. He couldn't resign himself to that because he couldn't understand why he couldn't remember anything. The Sheriff Deputy who was on the scene of the accident stopped by his hospital room late that night and showed him the accident report and explained to him what had happened. There were two witnesses who gave written statements as to what they had seen and it was only after seeing that and hearing the Deputy that my brother could rest. He ended this conversation quietly saying that he has to get his personal affairs in order because he's realized that life is very tenuous and, just like that, it can be gone.

I think we all live knowing that, of course, one day we will die. It's inevitable. But we don't think that it will happen suddenly and take us before our time. When my father died I remember thinking that he was taken too soon. Even though he was in his 70's and I was well into my 20's, I just felt cheated. I felt that I still didn't have enough time with him. Is there ever really enough time?

All of this got me thinking about those times when I stress about things that I cannot control or complain about some little annoyance that, at the time, consumes me. After speaking with my bro, I realize how silly that is and how precious each moment we have together is and how we all need to teach ourselves again how to be present in the moments of our life and not let outside annoyances take those away.

That long line at the post office, the 30 minutes the cable company puts you on hold, the automated phone answering service that keeps telling you to press one, the rising price of gasoline, the traffic jam, the telemarketer calling, whatever...are all just things that happen and really aren't worth getting worked up about. Life too precious, too valuable and always way too short.