That was then, this is now...

Again, as I sit and see the load of gifts under our tree, I realize that Alex and I are pretty well off. In fact, I'd say we spoiled each other this year. And that's okay because it's just us and we take care of each other. But I remember feeling this way every year, even when outside observers might say my family was poor.

In retrospect, we were poor. If you only looked at income vs. cost of raising 6 kids back then, we would fall well within the national guidelines for the poverty level. But my parents were from a time when the things they had were treasured and frivolous things didn't matter at all. We had everything we needed and there was always something extra at the holidays. My Dad owned a popular bar and restaurant back then. Kelly's Tavern stood at the corner of 7th Avenue and 46th Street. It had a steady stream of regulars who spent their weekends either sitting on a bar stool or tucked away in a booth enjoying our fabulous fish fry or hand dipped fried chicken. My mother, who taught second grade Monday thru Friday, was the "chief cook and bottle washer" on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

At the holidays, we'd go out and pick out our tree. Usually it was me and my Dad that did that. We'd try to get one that met everyone's specifications and wasn't too bald in the middle. Inevitably, we'd find one that we thought was perfect but, once home, needed all kinds of support and creative decorating. More than one Kelleher tree was shored up with a tie to the curtain rod to ensure it didn't take an untimely tumble. It took two untimely tumbles to teach us that!

My Mom would bring out the two large chests of decorations. One was filled with tree lights and ornaments, neatly stacked and put away from last year. The other held our crèche. For years, our crèche was a large manger made from particle board. Each shepherd, Magi, lamb, Mary and Joseph were made of the same. We gently set up each beautifully aged piece, a corner bent from tiny eager hands, an ear missing from the camel. It was tattered but such a tradition that we looked forward to it every year. Once the house was decorated, presents began appearing under the tree. Something from one of my sisters, a box or two from my Dad, the little things I would wrap up. The tree always looked amazing covered in tinsel with shiny bows peeping from underneath.

Christmas Eve, back then, was a late night affair. We were Catholic and so we could not eat before receiving Holy Communion at Midnight Mass. My mother would put out a large smoked salmon early in the day. It was always huge and had an olive for it's eye. It was a thing to behold sent over from my Dad's fish supplier, Globe Fisheries, each year. We'd nibble on it for part of the day. After Mass at Midnight, we'd walk home in the winter cold and snow to begin the real festivities. My Mom would start cooking the minute she got home. We'd sit under the glowing tree and sing Christmas carols. We do this to this day. Then we eat. Cheesy eggs and potatoes, kishka and kielbasa, home made Cinnamon rolls, cookies, and more! We still have these same foods. Some traditions are meant to be forever and kishka is one of them! Now our meager meal of gifted fish and sausage probably doesn't sound glamorous but it was a feast and it was ours. We identified with that meal so much and still do to this day.

Mostly, our gifts were practical. New clothes, new shoes, socks, undies, etc. but my Mom always made sure that we had something fun too. For me, the little kid there would be  doll of some sort or bike and the "older"kids would get whatever it was that they wanted too. Somehow, in spite of their work schedules and our overall low income, my parents always managed to make our Christmases magical. I think the biggest difference, as I look back, is the many, many presents I get now. Santa still visits my home each year. There is always something good in my stocking. Nowadays, it is usually loaded with candies. But back then, candy was a treat and we only got a little bit in our stockings. Yet our stockings were always full! We'd each get a banana, an orange and an apple, and a bag of salted peanuts in the shell. And one chocolate Santa! That's about all on this blustery winter day.

This Thanksgiving...

I know I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I always have. I wouldn't consider myself wealthy by any means but I am blessed. I have an incredible family. This year it is even more present in my mind how important they are to me because, this year, I was not able to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. Now let me explain, this isn't the first time I have been without family at Thanksgiving. I spent one Thanksgiving in Sweden with Alex's family. Even though they don't celebrate this holiday they politely indulged me while I cooked a turkey with all the trimmings for them. My own family celebrated at home without me but even then I didn't feel this sense of missing out as I do this year.

Last weekend I came down with a cold. As I ran around getting what I would need to make one of the traditional turkeys I could feel this cold coming on. Sniffles, congestion, slight cough - it was coming. Over the next day or two it worsened. Luckily, I had taken this week off from work so I wasn't having to call in sick but if I hadn't there was no way I would have been able to go to work. That's a pet peeve of mine, by the way, people who come to work coughing and hacking who clearly should have stayed home. Anyway, on Wednesday, I cooked a 22 lb. turkey and carved it  up and got it ready to go on Thursday morning. When I went to bed Wednesday night I was still somewhat optimistic that I would be going to my sister's house to celebrate with my family. But, all night on Wednesday, I was forced awake by violent coughing fits which made me have to get up and out of bed to get them under control. By morning, it was clear, I wasn't going anywhere but CVS to get some more cough medication. I called my other sister and she took the turkey and I stayed home with a promise that she would drop off some left overs when she returned. I might have gone and toughed it out but my sister Terry is on medication for her cancer that lowers her immune system. She can't be around anyone with even the slightest cough and I surely don't want to be the one to make her sick!

I've been missing them all day. I know it's silly. I mean it's not like I'm never going to see them again and I also know that these feelings are fueled by my feeling really crappy and sorry for myself. But my family is fun and I know I missing out on some great laughs. And my nieces were bringing their families from Illinois with the little kids. I miss them. And Jenna who is now 21 is home from Marquette University. I miss her! And my nephew was bringing his kids and we hardly ever see them! I miss them too. And my brother in law Ron was coming today and he rarely comes to large family gatherings. I miss him too. And my oldest sister was making oyster dressing at my request and now I'm not there to enjoy it! I'm the only one left in the family that likes it! I want it and I miss it! I miss them all today. Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself and yes, I will see them all again. But these are the people I am most grateful for in my life. All of them. My siblings - Verda, Butch, Kathy, Terry, and Patsy. All of their families and their kids families. Together we are a fun, wild, crazy, loud, opinionated bunch. And I know how blessed I am to be a part of that!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!