Welcome 2013...

I haven't made a New Year's Resolution in a very long time. Why? Well, because I never kept them anyway and after a while making them seemed like a moot point. This year, however, I've been doing a lot of thinking and there are some things I know I want to change. So, I'm making resolutions.

Now, before I get to them let me tell you this. I have been thinking about these things for a very long time and in that thinking time I've also done some research. Having done so, I feel like I'm coming to the plate, so to speak, more prepared for success than I have ever been before. My first resolution came to me over the past year as I watched the news and started to see a pattern of indifference and apathy to just how unkind the world has become. There have been a series of hate related crimes, crimes against women and children, mass murders, and terrorist attacks all perpetrated out of shear hatred and evil. Then there was the more "dormant" hatred, if you will, that was let loose during our last election. I've never seen, heard or read such heated, hate-filled, diatribes from one political party to the next. It all added up, for me, into a very concerning time. Where is the kindness in our world? So, my first New Year's resolution is...

To do a single act of kindness every single week. 

That's 52 acts of kindness on my part. If everyone did that, wow, what a great place this would be! I thought a lot about this. At first I thought I could do one every day! Sounded great! But after thinking it out more I realized that this was setting me up to fail. Even in the course of my mundane life, some days do get hectic and then I would forget and then I would feel bad and then I would give up. That's how I am. But once per week? That I can manage. Completely doable. I'm making a list of preplanned kind things to do but I'm also going to be on the look out for other kind acts that happen spontaneously.

My second resolution is of a more personal sort. It's something I've struggled with life long, had some success and then went right back to how I was before. Being a woman of my age it is never more important that I tackle this thing once and for all, and that I do it in the right way for the right reasons. I'm talking about my weight. I am pleasingly plump, fluffier than most, curvy, roundish, flubatious - in other words, I am fat. I have been my while life. I weighed over 10 pounds at birth so when I say my whole life, I mean it! I've always been the chubby kid in school and also the tallest! I hit 6 ft in the 7th grade. So, I am a big person. Knowing this, I'm not trying to slim down to look like a supermodel. No, what I need is to lose weight to maintain my health. Now, having said that my health is surprisingly good for someone my size. I have no diabetes, no high blood pressure! But I have minor arthritis in my knees and lower back and I know that losing some of this weight will help that immensely. So, my second resolution is....

To eat more healthily and to exercise at least three times per week. 

Again, completely doable. I've been researching this as well and have a slew of healthy recipes to try. I also have a killer treadmill in my bedroom that will be used a lot this year. My goal is to lose a few pounds and tone up a bit. I'm not setting a weight loss goal because every time I've done that I became some overly obsessed nut job that couldn't maintain it. Nope, I just want to feel better and so I shall.

That's it. Those are my resolutions. I imagine I'll be writing about them from time to time and though I know sometimes I'll be writing about my frustrations with them, I hope I'm writing more about my successes!

Happy New Year!

The times they are a-changin...

Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the US and that means I'll be with family, eating too much turkey and just having a good time in general. It's the usual way. Tradition.

Having said that, it has also been abundantly clear that my family traditions are changing forever this year. You see, my family has always thrived at this time of year. Beginning with Thanksgiving, these winter holidays - Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Years - have always been our greatest time of celebration. The highlight being our annual Christmas Eve get together at my mother's house. We would have traditional Polish food - kishka, kielbasa and the like - and we'd sing Christmas Carols and give each other gifts. Everyone would be there - all of the nieces, nephews, spouses and sometimes a stray friend or two. We'd cram ourselves into my mom's living room and it would be the best time of the year.

This year, my mother is not living at her house due to her age so we're not having it. She's living with my sister now and my sister always hosts an enormous Christmas Day dinner so to ask her to host Christmas Eve as well would be a little much. So this year, no get together, no carolling, no large crowd of family. In all of the changes that have happened this year, this, to me, is the most significant sign that our lives are and will be forever changed when my mother is gone.

I, for one, plan to cherish this Christmas. I know it may be my mother's last and I wish there was a way that I could give her the one last Christmas in her own home but I cannot. So I will hold on to what I do have - my mom at 93, my family - so close it's almost unnatural, my memories, and my dear husband, with whom I know we will make our own new traditions.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

So long holidays...

I always get a little melancholy at this time of year. You see, I love Christmas and all of the anticipation of Christmas...the lights, the tree, the wrappings. There's some magic in it for me even as a grown up. I can even feel it's draw at the New Year. There's still some shine in the tinsel and twinkle in the lights. But now, three days into the New Year, the Christmas lights I see still shining have a sense of desperation to them. They are hanging on in an attempt to hold our memories but, the truth is, we are rushing into the brunt of winter and the longest, coldest days. There are no immediate holidays to look forward to and we just keep plodding along, day to day, in the hopes that soon, there will be light and warmth. Seeing those lights makes me just a bit sad. I hate when the holidays are over.

It doesn't help that tomorrow I start a new job. Same place, different job. One that I am not at all sure of how to do or what to do. I'm feeling stressed about this. I've spent the last 15 years doing something I was good at and known for and now it's all changed and I'm starting at something completely different. I know I am lucky to have a job. And I know I could look at this as some kind of new adventure but the truth is I don't want a new job adventure. I liked my old one very much. I had a great boss and great co-workers and I am pissed that it's all been taken away. I suppose I am a tad resentful that tomorrow I'll go in, at new hours, work with new people, and have to learn everything all over again. It's not making the coming months easier to take, that's for sure.

I'll keep you posted. Maybe it will all turn out for the best. But right now, at midnight the night before I start, it doesn't look too good.

And so it is finished...

Usually, when I get to work at 7am, I am quickly followed by Margaret and Kathy. Today I was the only person here. My staff is gone. They've moved on to their new positions with the other agency. It sure is quiet in here. The cubicles are bare. Many of them have been stripped of their computers and desk supplies. I've emptied my email inbox. For the first time in three years, I have absolutely no email in there!

So, now I am on to a new career journey. For the next three months I'll be writing program procedures for our agency's newest program. Come January, I'll be delving more deeply into the world of services for people with mental illness and alcohol and other drug addiction. I'll be co-supervising this new program, teaching a new batch of case managers and nurses to work as teams to provide quality mental health services in a community setting. I'll even have a small case load of my own for the first time in almost seven years! And, to tell you the truth, I'm excited!

I will miss my old staff. I'd worked with some of them for many years and there were tears shed yesterday as we all said good bye but the future looks bright on both the professional and personal front for me. I love where I work and appreciate that they appreciate what I can do and have made it possible for me to stay right here where I belong.

I sense all good things on the horizon!

That precarious place between autumn and winter...

I can always tell when winter is around the corner. It all starts with the sunrise and my leaving for work somehow timing exactly for a couple of weeks. Those are the most beautiful mornings where the sun peeks it's fiery head over the horizon of Lake Michigan. It makes me almost want to be up and out of the house that early.

But then it happens...

The morning comes when I am up and out before the sunrise and the day hasn't yawned it's first hello. Everything is dark and quiet. Sleepy buses are making their way, riderless, through town and the I'm nearly blinded by the garish lights of the local Gas 'n Go. The wind is a wee bit colder and the great lake is pitch dark midnight blue. Today there were clouds but on some days there will be the reflection of the waning moon. It's a sure sign that the dark season, winter, is coming.

I'm not like most of the people I know who lament summer's passing. I love summer, don't get me wrong! But I also find an immense amount of beauty in a Wisconsin winter. Yes, it's cold. Burning, hurting cold sometimes. But the crisp clean snow and fresh air are wonderful. The roar of the winter lake against the rocky shore is comforting. The glisten of new snow on over laden trees is so beautiful sometimes it doesn't look real! I love winter. Almost as much as summer.