What do you want out of life?

This week here in Kenosha, we are mourning the loss of one of our finest. Officer Craig Birkholz was killed in the line of duty. He was buried today. The reason I'm mentioning this is because today, as I was driving home from dropping Alex off in Milwaukee, I was diverted from my usual route because there was blocked traffic near the entrance to the cemetery. As I took the alternate route, I saw two ladder trucks had crossed their elevated ladders in tribute and Highway 142 was now a parking lot of police and fire service vehicles. It was a dramatic and touching sight.

But the real reason I mention all of this is because whenever I hear that someone is cut down in their prime I start to thinking about my own life. I wonder, am I doing all that I had hoped to be doing? Am I where I thought I would be? What do I want out of life?

Overall, I think I'm easy to please. Sure, I've had big hopes and dreams at times in my life. Haven't we all wanted to be a star at some point? Some kind of expert, the person everyone looks to for the answers? Or someone everyone knows? We all have fleeting moments of fame-envy but, truthfully, and possibly thankfully, they pass! In my life, I have acted professionally and loved it. I would love to get back into that at some point, if even on the local level. Acting is cathartic. I get to be other people for a couple of hours and make other people really believe it! When I do it right, there is not another feeling like it in the world. I've also been a singer and still sing once in a while. I love that too and I need to do more of it. I also write. This blog, short stories, poems, and the like. I have always done that. Sometimes it's the only way I can get my feelings out. And I draw. Sketching is fun, and relaxing.
But that surely can't be all that I want out of life.

When I look at the daily things in my life, I know that in many ways I am blessed. Sure, our little apartment is LITTLE but we're also located right on Lake Michigan and the view just couldn't be better. We also pay so little for our rent. My sister is our land lady and she hasn't raised my rent in years! I have a great family. We're so close. Talk all the time and have dinner together every Friday. I know they love me for me. And I know I have the best husband in the world. I won't elaborate on that because I know he reads this blog and it would embarrass him!

So here's what I want out of life. I want to be able to pursue those things I enjoy for a very long time. I want to live within my means but have enough to get out and do the fun stuff when I want to do it! I want to travel. I want to always let those I love know how much they mean to me. I want a dog. I want to lost more weight. I want to feel happiness on it's deepest level and always be able to share it with my man.

And there's more. I want all of you to have what you want in life too. Because if I were to get what I want and see that you did not, I couldn't, in good conscience, enjoy one minute of it. Happy days, people! With lots of love.

Longing for a home I do not yet have...

It has happened every year around this time for about the past 5 or so years. I start longing to travel to a place that, one day, I hope to call home. I am longing for Sweden.

When Alexander and I began making plans for a life together we always knew that one day we would live in Sweden. I love Sweden. I've been there a couple of times and I feel completely at home there. I'm sure that moving to a new country will offer me plenty of opportunity to experience culture shock but it will also be a very grand adventure. I dream of it all the time.

Sometimes, I dream about living in Stockholm where I am most familiar with the subways and buses and apartment living. I see myself there, working in the hubbub of the cosmopolitan city, stopping by at the local open air market for fresh veg on my way home. I see Alex and I placing our own Advent star in the window to stave off the dark night of winter. And I see us dancing around a Maypole somewhere in the countryside while getting tanked on schnapps and singing about little frogs.

Sometimes, I dream about living in Karlstad near Alex's father and mother. I see myself enjoying a quieter life that Karlstad offers, having friends over for wine and dinner, and taking walks in the nearby woods, picking fresh blueberries and chantarelles. And enjoying long talks with Jan, Alexander's father, whom I find really fascinating and interesting to talk to.

I've reading the local.se for news of Sweden and checking out Swedish sites just to get a dose of it all. I hope that we get the chances to travel there later this year. I can't wait until we're in the position to finally move there. I hope we can make it soon!

The inauguration...

Yesterday I was watching the news. They were reporting on all of the events that will be happening tomorrow leading up to the inauguration. I'm surprisingly excited about tomorrow. I have this strange feeling of anticipation as if we are all on the brink of something extraordinary. I hope that's true. I decided that since I have some time coming to me at work I would take tomorrow off and watch the events as they happen. I can honestly say I've never done that before. In fact, I've never thought twice about it in the past. So there must be something to this...

I know we have no real idea of what kind of President Barack Obama will be. But I don't think I'm alone in the feeling that he may be one of our greatest. He is a hell of a speaker. The man could motivate a rock to take a flying leap. When I've heard him speak I always get the feeling he just "gets it". I get the feeling he sees what's going on in the US and has some clear plans to gather us together and make it work. It's also the first time that I've felt we have somehow stepped up in the eyes of the world. Maybe I'm just being optimistic but it's how I feel.

I will be watching this President as his days in office unfold. I will watch to see if he can keep this connection he's forged with the American people. I will watch to see if he continues to see the common man and what he does for him. I don't think we've had anyone this passionate or charismatic in office in a very long time. I only hope that the press gives him leave to do what he's been elected to do and that it doesn't turn it's ugly head against him (as it is wont to do...) until he can, indeed, make a difference. I know he's not a miracle worker. He's a man. But he may be a man that can change things here in the US by getting us all to bond a little more, make a little more effort, and take care of one another.