Annoyance...and a dream...

I am slightly more than annoyed at work these days. There's not really one thing that does it. It's a culmination of things that build up over time and they grate on my nerves which eventually causes me to want to say "f... this" and get away. Last week was prime example. Just a lot of chuckleheads getting on my nerves. By Friday evening it was all I could do to get home, away from people, and hide.

It is not that I hate my job, because I don't. I like my job. The job stuff is a symptom of a greater problem. The problem being...I want to go away.

I am longing for a change. A change in scenery would be a good start. I keep watching those House Hunter International shows hoping to see one that takes place in Sweden. I want to move there so badly I can taste it. I can see myself living there. I can see myself learning to get out and about my new community and making new friends and spending time with my Swedish family. I can see Alex and I deciding what to do on a weekend and going into Stockholm to take in the sights, sounds and smells. God, I want it so bad.

Problem is, we just cannot afford it right now. Sweden is hugely expensive - so much more so than here - and, we know, we have it pretty good here right now. Still, I look at photos and videos of Sweden daily and deep inside wish there was some way we could go. I know we'll get there next year for a visit but I mean, go, really go! To live there, forever. That's my dream. I hope one day it can come true.

Revisiting reality...

Over my life, I've come to realize that no matter what we plan for ourselves, life often has made other plans for us. For the past year or so, I've sort of had this plan/dream that one day I would be moving to and living permanently in Sweden. I've looked on-line at possible locations, apartments, homes and whatnot. I've explored various cities and towns to see what life would be like when I was there. Of course, my exploration was limited to what I could find on the Internet or could glean from talking to my Swedish friends and family.

I still have that dream and, honestly, truly believe that one day, Alexander and I, will get there. But lat week, another possibly scenario presented itself. As we were driving through downtown Kenosha, Alex asked me about a tall, apartment complex there. It is a rent controlled complex for Senior Citizens. When I explained what it was he said, "My dad could live there if he moved here."

In my desire to move to Sweden, I often thought about there being a time when Alex's father was not able to take care of himself and how I would easily make the decision to be there to take care of him with Alex if necessary. I never thought about the possibility of him moving here to the US. But the more I've thought about it, now that the seed has been planted, the more I think it would easy to make that decision as well. Because for me, no matter the plan, no matter which way the plane flies, at the end of the day, it is family that matters. And I know I will go where my family, either immediate or by marriage, needs me.

(But, I'm not giving up on moving to Sweden just yet!)

Longing for a home I do not yet have...

It has happened every year around this time for about the past 5 or so years. I start longing to travel to a place that, one day, I hope to call home. I am longing for Sweden.

When Alexander and I began making plans for a life together we always knew that one day we would live in Sweden. I love Sweden. I've been there a couple of times and I feel completely at home there. I'm sure that moving to a new country will offer me plenty of opportunity to experience culture shock but it will also be a very grand adventure. I dream of it all the time.

Sometimes, I dream about living in Stockholm where I am most familiar with the subways and buses and apartment living. I see myself there, working in the hubbub of the cosmopolitan city, stopping by at the local open air market for fresh veg on my way home. I see Alex and I placing our own Advent star in the window to stave off the dark night of winter. And I see us dancing around a Maypole somewhere in the countryside while getting tanked on schnapps and singing about little frogs.

Sometimes, I dream about living in Karlstad near Alex's father and mother. I see myself enjoying a quieter life that Karlstad offers, having friends over for wine and dinner, and taking walks in the nearby woods, picking fresh blueberries and chantarelles. And enjoying long talks with Jan, Alexander's father, whom I find really fascinating and interesting to talk to.

I've reading the local.se for news of Sweden and checking out Swedish sites just to get a dose of it all. I hope that we get the chances to travel there later this year. I can't wait until we're in the position to finally move there. I hope we can make it soon!

Back to work...almost

I'm back to work for a couple of days before having the rest of the year off. It's so damn quiet in this office. That combined with the fact that there's almost no heat on in here has made me very, very sleepy. I think if I could put my head down right now I'd be sound asleep. I'm trying to hold out until I get home. There is a nap in my future.

So next week my new job begins. I have only the vaguest idea of what it is I'll be doing. When I come in next week, I'm hoping someone will be able to point me in the right direction and tell me how to proceed. We'll see. Maybe I should be panicking about it. I don't know...I'm just not all that enthusiastic about this new one. It will be what it will be and I'll accept whatever it is. I'm feeling a bit "temporary" about the whole situation. It's going to be a new year and I'm going to be concentrating my thoughts and efforts on figuring out a way to move to Sweden. So, I'll bide my time with the new job until then. At least it pays well and has a pretty good benefit package...I can't complain.

Moving to Sweden....

So it's no secret that Alexander and I have a lifetime goal of eventually moving to Sweden to live and work. It's funny how this whole thing started out and the road we ended up taking to be together. It would seem the easiest way to get to Sweden would be for me to move there with him but, alas, finances, work, and personal business made us take a slightly different route. He is coming here to the US and then next year we will move there. The larger goal of being together was far more important that the ultimate goal of living in Sweden so we do what we must.

I don't mean to make that sound so formal! Actually, the two of us are quite excited and thrilled for what the next month or two will hold for us!

Still, Sweden is the goal. I've been spending time pouring over expat websites to see how this is all done. For me, getting a job in Sweden may be very difficult. Even though I will register there with the employment bureau everything I've read says the only way to actually get work is to know someone who is already working there. Contacts are key! I've made quite a few Swedish contacts over the past four years but I don't know if any of them would have a job for me when I move there! We'll see. I'm excited at the idea of looking for work there.

I'm also excited about setting up a home there. I even dream about this once in a while. Moving into a new place, getting it together and then making it our own! I hate moving as a rule but I think it will be a grand adventure. And the most important part is Alex and I will be taking this trip together. And that's very exciting indeed!