Being creative...

What the heck does that even mean, being creative? People tell me I am creative. I've heard that my whole life. At first, it was very flattering until I started to wonder exactly what they meant by that. At it's basest definition, being creative means being able to create...something. Everyone has the ability to do that. If you can make a sandwich you are creative. So, I came to realize that they probably weren't using that term in that form.


So, when someone says, "Wow, you're creative!" What does that mean? Is that a compliment? Do they really mean to say they like whatever it is I've created and they just don't know how to say that? Or do they not really know what to say about what I've created so they use it as a general statement or form of appreciation of some sort.

I know that I have certain talents, some more refined than others, but all equally give me inner pleasure. But I have days, weeks, months when I don't feel like I have one single creative cell in my body and I sit in a funk feeling like a hack who couldn't "create" her way out of a paper bag. I am my own worst critic so I dread actually sharing my art, music, writing with others because I fear what they will say. Oh, I have shared some but only what I have determined will be met with compliments or a kind "Wow, you are so creative!" because then I don't have to face the fear that maybe I am not as talented as I want to be.

Creativity really is within each one of us. I really believe that over time we learn to push it down into the deep recesses and then, over time, lose it altogether. It's a shame really. We all need to own a box of crayons and some clean white paper. We need to let that kindergartener who used to love to color out again. We need to be creative...whatever that means to each of us.

I know I do.

Rebooting my creativity...

The other day Alexander sent me some music he had been working on. Very good music, I might add. He had an idea for some lyrics he told me about and asked if I could write something for this song. I've been trying to ever since. I used to write lyrics everyday and for months now I got out of practice. It seems it would be easy to just jot down a few lines and see where it takes me but that hiatus from writing has really caused a blockage of mass proportion for me.

I keep thinking nothing I write is good enough. It all seems trite and silly and I am battling with a lack of inspiration. I'm going to keep at it though. I am making some head way...inching closer to where I think I can come up with something to send him.

Turns out creativity is not like riding a bicycle, where you can just get on one after years of not riding and it all comes back to you again. There's more to it than simple balance and keeping your feet moving. Writing for me, has always been cathartic and a mind-clearing occupation. Over these past months there has been much on my mind and now it appears all of those thoughts are muddled together like so many cobwebs. I need a mind sweep.

Creativity is a remarkable thing

I've been feeling less than inspired lately... just no get up and go to do much of anything with music. Plus I still have this annoying raspy cough that makes singing a bitch. But I was getting kind of antsy to do something so I went out and boughy myself a sketch book and some pencils. When I was a kid I used to draw all the time. Just endless sketches of anything that came to mind. I hadn't done that in a long time so I really had no idea why I was buying the art gear but I did. So, as I've been sitting around I've been making designs and doodles and just letting my mind go wandering around. Got out some markers and have been playing with colors and I realized, I needed this. In some small way, it sparked something in me that was long missing. I don't toy with the idea that any great masterpiece will emerge from all of this but it is just the act of creating that makes the difference.

Funny how that is.

I've also been thinking more about work. Not just my work but work in general. What is the value of it, and in it, and how do people decide what it is they want to do for work. This is a hot topic for me lately because someone dear to me is struggling with these questions. I started thinking about what I get out of work - besides a paycheck. The funny thing is that somedays the paycheck is all I get out of it and, for some reason, I still find value in that. What makes a career? I wonder about those people I know who decided at some point that they will be "something" (a teacher, a doctor, a ballerina...) and then devote years to meeting that end. I have never been one to be able to do that yet somehow I have lucked into what could be called a career. And trust me....it was all trial and error on my part. For me, the important part of life has always been what happens when I'm not at work. So the work itself was inconsequential. But I know that most people don't feel that way.

I do feel that you have to do what your heart tells you to do. I lost valuable time doing what other people thought was the right thing for me to do and I won't make that mistake again. I think you have to know your talents, trust them, use them and let them lead you. And if that means you get a paycheck from working a dayjob that could never be considered a career while you follow your heart and hone those other skills, then so be it. Do what you love. That's all there is to it.