A woman of a certain age...

That's me. A woman of a certain age. I always wondered what I would be like when I was older and now - here I am - older. Not old, just older.

I have a pretty amazing life. I have a husband that is unparalleled when it comes to being the best husband in the world. Seriously, I would put him up against anyone in that category. He does so much and I know that sometimes that stresses him out but I hope he always knows how much I love and appreciate him for everything he does. He is, quite simply, the best.

My job is pretty good too though I admit I'm kind of over the whole getting up and going to work thing. Really, I would love to retire sometime soon. I'm not burned out and when I work I give it my all but there is other stuff I would love to do and having to adhere to a daily schedule of someone else's making is tedious to me.

My family is, of course, awesome. I know I have been blessed with an amazing support system and the fact that we are so close is brilliant.

I guess I am comfortable at my age. I'm confident that I know what I do is important and that I am competent in what I do. I know people come to me for advice and guidance because they know I understand how this stuff works and I will always be honest and supportive. I have cultivated a kind of wisdom, I think. That's funny! I never thought I would have that but I do! Wisdom. I see younger woman who work with me trying to inch their way in and doing it in a way that, though temporarily puts them in a good light, always inevitably ends with their true colors showing. Woman spending too much time trying to impress the management and not enough time just doing their jobs. And sometimes, those same women, try to place an unflattering spotlight on me to get their needs met.

Being a woman of a certain age, I am also very level headed and being confident in my own abilities, I never allow their actions to make me question my own worth or competencies. And, much to their dismay, that attitude goes a long way to impress my own boss. Oh, the drama-rama!

Yes, at a certain age, the need for drama goes away. Life becomes deeper and better and you just get on with it. They will learn it too as we all have to. I have to admit, it's kind of fun watching it from the other side.

More time of indecision...

These days all I have on my mind is my job or, rather, what job I might have in a month and a half. So here's what's been offered so far...

The agency is starting up a new program which is a case management program for people with severe and persistent mental illness. This is a target group I am well familiar with and a program I could supervise in my sleep. BUT...they have decided to go with someone else at the helm which both perplexes me and angers me. I was offered a made up position of middle management running a couple of small programs that pretty much have been running themselves without any management at all for the past several years. It was a poor attempt at giving me something to do. Could I do it? Sure...easily. Do I want to? NO! There is no challenge there and I would not be using my skills to their best ability. While I appreciate the gesture, it's a lame gesture.

What gets me most is that I have all of the qualifications for the other position and the experience to boot yet I am simply being overlooked without even a chance to argue my case for them allowing me to do it. And that pisses me off more than I can say. When I get angry, I cry. I've always done this and it makes me even more angry because crying seems weak and when I'm angry I don't feel weak, I feel enraged! I wish I could just let them have it but instead I well up with tears and sniffle. So lame!

I have been told by our administration that I have excellent written communication skills yet they haven't offered me anything where that might be used. They also told me that I was a strong supervisor and that they never would have taken on case management without my knowledge and gumption yet they haven't offered me anything in a case management field. Case management is what I know and love and what I want to do. I will not waste my time and talent "filling a space" that they just need filled if it is a space that will not keep me active and moving forward in my career.

So...the decision is, there is no decision. I put it all back on their table with a written proposal and listing of my qualifications. We'll see where it goes from here. We'll see....

Office facelift...

Last Friday, we all spent the day painting the walls of the building I work in. Today we are rearranging the cubicles and there is much crashing, pounding and bashing going on. Everyone was dreading this day because of the interruption it would cause to their work and because they were afraid they would lose precious space. Turns out, they are gaining space and some privacy so the overall atmosphere in here today is cheery!

I've told you before that I work for a small not for profit social service agency. We are a rag tag bunch to be sure. At first sight, we don't look like your average social work types and, more often than not, people mistake that for a lack of professionalism. The bottom line is that here at KHDS we believe, first and foremost, in the people we serve. We work with alcoholics, mentally ill, developmentally disabled, drug addicted, homeless, unemployed, uninsured people. They don't always look clean or smell good or speak clearly and, sometimes, they are beliggerant and ornery. They hang out outside our building, come in and mess up our rest rooms and, once in a while, walk out with someone's purse or jacket. Other agencies put limits on the amount of time their clients can be in their buildings or when they can show up at all. Other agencies have nice carpeting and furniture and real plants in their lobbies bathed in track lighting. We have a fake ficus on a used end table. We believe that any funds we recieve is best used in programs that help those we serve and not in the interior design of our building. We also believe that if you are wearing a suit it's likely you haven't done much hands on social work in a while.

That's why this recent coat of paint and the moving about of some cublicle walls has been so invigorating. The physical participation in doing it has brought us closer together as a team and the actual visualization of our handy work made us proud.

At the end of the day, we may not look like much but we'll charm you with our personable natures and wow you with our skill. We're here to help and that's not just a saying. We really do. So don't mind that there is a tear in the seat of the chair you may sit on...it doesn't matter. What matters are the people who come through our door each day who leave just a little healthier, a little calmer, a little less lonely and a whole lot more confident that they really do have a purpose.