Weird week...

I took this week off from work. When I did I thought it would be nice to have the days to myself, puttering around the house alone, while Alex was at work. Turns out I have the entire place to myself for the next four days. And I don't like it.

Alex is in Sweden this week for his mother's funeral.

It's been weird because since we were married we really haven't been apart all that much. And the distance between here and Sweden seems enormous. It reminds me of all the time we spent apart when we were working to get into one country to be together. I would go there for a short time and he would come here and so forth but the time in between was horrible. The house was silent. I'd find things he left behind all over the place - a lone sock here, a CD there. We'd talk on the phone and it was never enough. We'd chat online and it was never enough. The time difference alone was killer.

Yesterday I drove him to catch the bus to O'Hare Airport. Those old feelings of loss rolled over me as the bus pulled away. I cried. As I always did. It was so much the same!

I know this time apart will be short. He's returning on Sunday. And I know there will be other times when we'll be apart. But when you love someone, really love them, even the shortest time apart feels like an eternity.

I miss him a lot. It's too quiet and there's nothing to do when he's gone. What a miserable week off this has been....

Bittersweet...

So, now I'm back in the US for a full week and it's been good to be home. Our trip to Sweden was bittersweet this time. So much cleaning up to do there and getting ready to move Alex's father into an assisted living. It felt like it was the end of something.

We took one day to drive into the Swedish countryside to revisit those special places Alex used to frequent when he was a kid. It was the best day of our trip and the views and vistas we saw were stunning. Truly beautiful. It made us rethink our desire to move to the Stockholm area. I think if we move we will move into a more rural area where we will not feel so closed in. Notice I said "if" we move. After this trip, our decision to move there is not so final as it was before. With both of Alex's parents in homes there is nothing to go back home to now except to visit them where they live and are being cared for. It's a strange, orphan-like feeling.

My experience in Sweden this time was marred by bad health and physical pain. I have a problem with the tendons and ligaments in my right shoulder which I didn't get looked at before we left. It worsened while we were there, probably due to over use, and by the time we got home I could barely stand it! I start therapy this week and I can tell you that even though I have a high tolerance for pain, this pain is making me insane. There just seems to be no relief no matter what I do.

It was good seeing friends and family for sure and we'll be sure to see them all again. I have a special place in my heart for Sweden. The sky is bluer there than I have ever seen. Even on a clear day here the blue cannot be matched. The clouds hang like cotton candy there and look as though you could touch them. The greens are vibrant and constant. White birch trees are plentiful and gather in forests so deep you could lose yourself. People are friendly to a point but mostly respectful of your feelings and your privacy. Wine and laughter flow freely. It's a wonderful place and one I know I will go to again and again.