What if...

Yesterday I wrote 10 Random Things about ME! Today, I'm playing a game called "What if..."

1. What if...I had a million dollars?
Well, a million doesn't go as far these days as it used to but I would still be able to leave my job and live comfortably on a million bucks! Which is exactly what I'd do! I do like my job and I've been really lucky to work for a great agency for the past nearly 20 years but I'm tired of the routine and looking forward to creating new routines for myself. On a million bucks I would have enough to live frugally while still taking care of some of my families stuff and putting the rest away. I don't need fancy houses or cars. I just need enough. And I would that plenty if I had a million bucks.

2. What if...I was asked to host The Oscars?
Well, I would say yes and then faint. I know I have a solid acting background and I'm a pretty funny person so I think it would go well but I haven't done anything on stage in a long, long time so it's likely that shear terror would set in. I think I would ask if I could bring some friends. I have some seriously funny friends! But good god, what would I wear??

3. What if...I lost someone close to me suddenly?
Well, I would be devastated depending on who it is. I know that sounds horrible. Sorrow from losing a loved one would seem to be pretty fair and even but the truth is, though I love many, I am closer to some. Alex, for example...if I were to lose him I would be wrecked. I know I would. I'm not sure how someone survives that type of loss. Whew... I don't even want to think about it!

4. What if...I could do one job other than what I do now for the rest of my life?
Well, please refer to #1 about that "working for the rest my life" thing. Seriously though, if I had to choose something else to do I would work with animals - maybe in a zoo setting or a vet. I love animals and becoming a vet was something I thought about when I was younger.

5. What if...someone came up to me and demanded my money at gun point.
Well, first of all, jokes on them! I never have any money! Ugh...this one is easy for me. I would give it to them. I just don't hold any physical thing in such high regard that I would kill or get killed for it. Those people who feel the need to bear arms to protect themselves are misguided and scared for no reason. Nothing is so important to have to defend it with a gun. Then the argument is always "what if they wanted to rape you?" I can see their point but when's the last time you heard of any one warding off a rapist with a gun? Usually, they fend them off by screaming, kicking, yelling, biting and making so much commotion the rapist runs off. But since this question isn't about that, it's about money, I still say I would just give it to them. Let the cops sort it out later.

Bittersweet...

So, now I'm back in the US for a full week and it's been good to be home. Our trip to Sweden was bittersweet this time. So much cleaning up to do there and getting ready to move Alex's father into an assisted living. It felt like it was the end of something.

We took one day to drive into the Swedish countryside to revisit those special places Alex used to frequent when he was a kid. It was the best day of our trip and the views and vistas we saw were stunning. Truly beautiful. It made us rethink our desire to move to the Stockholm area. I think if we move we will move into a more rural area where we will not feel so closed in. Notice I said "if" we move. After this trip, our decision to move there is not so final as it was before. With both of Alex's parents in homes there is nothing to go back home to now except to visit them where they live and are being cared for. It's a strange, orphan-like feeling.

My experience in Sweden this time was marred by bad health and physical pain. I have a problem with the tendons and ligaments in my right shoulder which I didn't get looked at before we left. It worsened while we were there, probably due to over use, and by the time we got home I could barely stand it! I start therapy this week and I can tell you that even though I have a high tolerance for pain, this pain is making me insane. There just seems to be no relief no matter what I do.

It was good seeing friends and family for sure and we'll be sure to see them all again. I have a special place in my heart for Sweden. The sky is bluer there than I have ever seen. Even on a clear day here the blue cannot be matched. The clouds hang like cotton candy there and look as though you could touch them. The greens are vibrant and constant. White birch trees are plentiful and gather in forests so deep you could lose yourself. People are friendly to a point but mostly respectful of your feelings and your privacy. Wine and laughter flow freely. It's a wonderful place and one I know I will go to again and again.

With sleep comes the dreams...

I have very strange, humorous dreams all the time. Last night, after not sleeping the night before, I slept like a baby and had one of the funniest, weirdest dreams I've ever had.

In my dream...

I was in charge of a day camp for kids. Before the kids arrived, I had a lot of pizza out for the counselors. We were sitting around eating it when the kids started to arrive. One of the little girls ran over and demanded to have some pizza. We told her that she wasn't allowed and had to go to the area where the other kids were gathering. She became very angry and POOF! turned herself into a piece of cheese pizza. Her parents, obviously very frustrated about the behavior, simply threw up their hands and said, "We don't know what to do with her anymore!" and walked off.

I picked up the piece of cheese pizza and, holding it in my hand, told it/her she would have to still go to where the other kids were and started walking over to that area with her/it in my hand. I got about half way and came upon a grassy area with a large tree. I put the pizza/girl in the grass and said, "Well, you can be a piece of cheese pizza if you want but you can just sit here under this tree and I hope a crow doesn't decide to eat you!" And I walked away.

About this time, Jamey (a friend of mine who was making a guest appearance in my dream) came walking up. I was telling her about the cheese pizza/girl incident as we walked nearer to where the other kids were. We got to a bench and sat down. Jamey asked, "So where is pizza/girl?" I said, "I think you just sat on her/it."

Somehow, the cheese pizza/girl had made it's/her way to the bench. When Jamey stood up the pizza/girl jumped from the bench and into my hands where it/she turned into a tiny, little doll-like girl made of felt. The doll/girl said, "I don't want to be with other kids. I'm too teeny and they won't like me because I'm so different."

Jamey took the doll/girl into her hands and as they walked away I heard her telling the doll/girl, "If you give them a chance, they're doing to like you."

Then I woke up.

I have no freakin' idea what that dreams means and, honestly, I don't want to know. I love that I have these weird-ass dreams all the time. Some of them are so funny I wake myself up laughing. All I can think of is that I haven't had really good pizza in a long time so maybe that's where this came from!

Any analysis is welcomed! LOL

Heidi Klum is a bearded marionette....

I have always had really odd dreams. Ever since I was a kid I have had vivid, full color, detailed dreams that never make any sense and, often, are so funny that I wake myself up laughing out loud. Today when I came home from work I decided to take a short nap. I had a dream that was a combo of people I know, situations that never really happen and pseudo celebrities from the show "Project Runway". Basically, in my dream, I was somewhere - not really sure where - and I was just there, with nothing much happening, with some people from work. Then, Tim Gunn, from Project Runway, walked by and I said "Wow, Tim Gunn and he looks just like his mugshot from when he was arrested." To my knowledge, Tim Gunn was never arrested. But there he was and that was what I said. So I decided to see where he was going.

Next, someone who looked like Ru Paul came up to me and asked me if the bus was coming. I told him I didn't know but then also added "You look good for just getting out of jail!" Again, I have no idea why Ru Paul was in my dream and I have no idea if he was ever in jail! At that moment, Tim Gunn ran past with the police in chase and Ru Paul took off and they both got tackled and arrested and taken immediately to court which was right there where we were all standing.

So now I'm in court watching all of this and the judge comes out. It's Heidi Klum. Well, sort of. Because she was a marionette with Heidi Klum's face but she was a bearded lady and she was manipulating her own strings and she kept moving her legs all around crazily. I was thinking "Wow, Heidi Klum has a beard!" and then my alarm went off. My alarm makes this twinkling sound like fairies or something so even though I heard it I was still dreaming and thought it was a nice touch that there was fairy music for the bearded Heidi Klum dancing marionette.

Then I woke up.

I swear I have no idea what the heck this dream could possibly mean. I mean, why would I dream about these people and have them all in trouble with the law and have Heidi Klum having a beard?? I dream crap like this all the time. So weird but always makes for interesting sleeping! LOL

Pondering the imponderables...

I don't know why but for the last three night I've had the strangest unsettling dreams. The first was one where I was just going about my day and my teeth started falling out as I was talking. It was creepy and scary and I woke up feeling weirded out. The dream didn't last that long and nothing else really happened in it so I have no idea what that was about.

The next was me, again just going about my day, this time with Alex, and the beautiful ring he gave me started to fall apart. The stone fell into the sink drain and the metal started shredding. I was beside myself with sadness and panic trying to get the pieces before I lost them because it was clear that I could put it back together. In the dream, Alex was so understanding and kept telling me that it was only a ring and it could be replaced and I was yelling that I didn't want another ring, I wanted THIS ring. I woke up and my heart was pounding.

Then I had a dream that the walls in my apartment were melting. The thing is I wasn't upset by this. I mean I wasn't running out of the place in terror. I was just living in the apartment with the melting walls. It was annoying me but not making me actually do anything about it.

I have no idea what these dreams mean or if dreams actually ever mean anything. It's just that lately I've been dreaming a lot and I always seem to remember my dreams. I used to know someone who painted and he would use his dreams as his subjects. His paintings were always very dark and frightening and I used to think if I dreamed like he did I would check into some therapy.

I have been a vivid dreamer all my life. I can think of something before I fall asleep and usually can manipulate that thought into a dream. I have also had recurring dreams since I was a kid and, no matter what, if I dream I remember it. I wonder what that says about me...

Dreams...

I know that I am stressed when I start dreaming about work but occasionally the dreams are so strange and funny that it's almost worth it. Last night I dreamt that I was making a presentation to our agency's executive director. I showed up for this wearing an outfit that can only be described as something one might wear on the red carpet at the Academy Awards. I had with me as many visual aids as one could possibly think to have. I had a Power Point presentation, flow charts, hand outs, wall charts...you name it, I had it. The purpose of the presentation was to show the Big Cheese that since the unit I now currently supervise has grown to enormous porportions, it would make sense that a new position be created just for me. I was asking him to make me the Director of Long Term Care Management. During the course of this well orchestrated act I also wanted to let him know that since I would now be the Director they would have to consider who would replace me as Supervisor. I made an elaborate introduction and then "presented" my current assistant, Jamey, as the most likely candidate. As I said her name, the door to the conference room opened and Jamey entered decked out in her very best Oscar worthy ensemble. I think I even remember wearing a feather boa!

While the idea behind the presentation may make some sense, the sight of the two of us dressed up the way we were was quite spectacular and really funny! Especially since the office we work in is extremely casual. I don't recall either one of us ever wearing a dress to work and, most days, we are in capris or jeans and t-shirts. I almost wish we could record our dreams and play them back for other people to see. They would all get a kick out of this one!

On a separate note, it is hot here. Really hot. Before those of you from other traditionally hotter parts of the world start complaining just remember, I am from Wisconsin. We're not made for this weather! We spend the winter months making sure we have several comfy fat layers to insulate us from our god awful winters so when we hit July and August...well, let's just say, it ain't pretty. Generally, we are all red faced, tired from the humidity and on the cranky side. And if the heat lasts more than three consecutive days we start going outside with less and less clothing on...that's the ugly part. Haha!

Another crazy dream...

Seems I'm on a roll here with the dreams this week. Last night I dreamt that I was driving home from somewhere and my car started burning. As I was driving I noticed rather large flames shooting out from under the car and then more flames coming in the car from the dashboard. My only thoughts in the dream were "This can't be good!" and "I'll just keep driving until I get home."

I think this dream is a metaphor for my job. It's going down in flames and I just keep on driving! The odd part of the dream is that at no time was I afraid of what was happening. That either means that it wasn't so bad or I have completely lost my flight response altogether.

So I had this dream...

I often have strange dreams. Some of them are so funny I actually wake myself up laughing out loud while I sleep. Last night I had one that was just plain weird!

It was Christmas and I was at my mother's house. We were getting ready for the family to arrive for the festivities. I was not dressed. I mean, seriously, not dressed. I was just wearing some underpants! And...no one seemed to care, notice OR think that was unusual in any way.

My mother was on the front porch with two huge bundles of fake evergreen garland that was wired together in a big bunch. Then, an ENORMOUS van pulls up in front of the house. Attached to it's side was one of those nylon toddler cozies that people put on the back of their bikes to take their kids out for a nice ride. The van door opened and my niece Tamatha and her husband Ron got out followed by my nephew Don and his little girl, Maddy. Then my other niece, Linda and her husband Josh get out and they're followed by their 15 children. (They don't have 15 children but in the dream they did!) Josh goes over the toddler cozy thingy and opens it. Inside, dressed in a snow suit is my older brother (their father/father-in-law). He is bundled up but freezing and shivering because they have driven to mom's from Illinois and he rode in that thing the whole way.

So, we usher them into the house. (Me...still in only my panties... and again, no ones seems to care.) Just then a huge luxury car pulls into the drive way. I know it's a luxury car because 1. it's huge and 2. it's covered in maroon velvet on the outside. My nephew Chris hops out and goes to the back door. He let's my other niece, Amy, out of the car with her baby, Sophie. Only Sophie isn't a baby. She is about one foot tall, talking and walking, and has bright red curly hair. Sophie runs up the porch steps and into the house. My mother says, "Oh Sophie! Look how cute you are!" To which Sophe answers excitedly, "Yeth, I am adowable! Ithn't Cwithmath exthiting!!"

Just then, the bundles of evergreen garland blow off the porch and my mother tells me to go get them. So, now I'm running and flailing about in her front yard, chasing the garland, in my undies. My mom comes out on the porch with a camera and tells me what a great Christmas photo this will make.

And then I wake up...

I have no idea what this dreams means or why I had it. Just plain weird!!

Strange dreams...

This has been a weekend for strange dreams. I had a dream on Saturday that I was having a baby. The father of the baby was there, all excited and full of anticipation. I was breathing and panting and pushing and delivering. The baby finally came out and I saw that it was half baby and half cat. It was a human baby with a cat tail. I was hysterical and screaming that something was wrong but the daddy was completely happy with the child telling me that there was nothing wrong and babies were supposed to have long furry tails!

I was telling my sister about this dream and she told me that she had one of her own. She was shopping with my oldest sister and they were choosing two brooms. The entire dream was about the two of them making up their minds about these broom and my oldest sister kept raving about the wonderful colors she had chosen.

My other sister had a dream that she had to drive her daughter to school and in order to get there they had to drive underwater in Lake Michigan. She said they spent the whole dream driving along the bottom of the lake and arguing over whether they had gone far enough south to be near the school when they came up!

Strange. I don't remember any of us taking hallucinogenics this weekend!

Learning Swedish for fun and torture...

So, in my grand scheme of things, my plan is to one day live and work in Sweden. In order to do this, I have been told, that while the entire country speaks English it is very important to know how to speak passable conversational Swedish. Several months ago I purchased what, from everything I read, was the best self learning program for this - the Pimsleur Approach. I eagerly started in on the lessons when it arrived and did very well except that the lessons only ended up with me knowing how to ask for very basic directions and how to ask someone to come back to my place for a drink! All that may be useful if my plan was to go to Sweden, ask how to get to the nearest bar and then pick up the occasional one night stand - none of which is on my itinerary! Ha!

After this I tried MANY internet sites that stated I could learn to speak Swedish by reviewing what was posted there. Well, that didn't work. There's something to be said for actually being able to hear how these words are pronounced which, of course, none of the sites could accurately do. I subscribe to a blog called Swedish, Now! which is helpful...always has a good list of interesting words and phrases to practice but, again, without hearing the pronunciation I have no idea if I'm saying them correctly.

The other day I ordered yet another set of CDs that will teach me more about this language. Actually, I was quite surprised at the completeness of the set since I didn't pay that much for it and it covers a wide variety of words and topics. Useful things that I will use when I am there living day to day. It is exactly what I was hoping for.

It helps that I have a natural Swedish speaker that I can try this all out on from time to time. It doesn't help that he takes great delight in laughing at my failed attempts at pronunciation! He's a little shit when it comes to that but I love him too much to get really mad. I'll teach him! I'm going to learn this language and when I do, I'll talk all day, everyday, for hours on end, in Swedish, until it drives him completely crazy! Hahah!

Thing is, when I do get to settled down with a residency permit, I will be able to take Swedish for Immigrants for free in Stockholm. I suppose I could wait until then to learn but, at this point, I feel I'm getting a jump start on the language that can only help me when I'm job hunting. And at the end of the day, because I know that it will be some time before I am actually able to move there to live, all of this learning makes me feel just one step closer to my dream.