Bittersweet...

So, now I'm back in the US for a full week and it's been good to be home. Our trip to Sweden was bittersweet this time. So much cleaning up to do there and getting ready to move Alex's father into an assisted living. It felt like it was the end of something.

We took one day to drive into the Swedish countryside to revisit those special places Alex used to frequent when he was a kid. It was the best day of our trip and the views and vistas we saw were stunning. Truly beautiful. It made us rethink our desire to move to the Stockholm area. I think if we move we will move into a more rural area where we will not feel so closed in. Notice I said "if" we move. After this trip, our decision to move there is not so final as it was before. With both of Alex's parents in homes there is nothing to go back home to now except to visit them where they live and are being cared for. It's a strange, orphan-like feeling.

My experience in Sweden this time was marred by bad health and physical pain. I have a problem with the tendons and ligaments in my right shoulder which I didn't get looked at before we left. It worsened while we were there, probably due to over use, and by the time we got home I could barely stand it! I start therapy this week and I can tell you that even though I have a high tolerance for pain, this pain is making me insane. There just seems to be no relief no matter what I do.

It was good seeing friends and family for sure and we'll be sure to see them all again. I have a special place in my heart for Sweden. The sky is bluer there than I have ever seen. Even on a clear day here the blue cannot be matched. The clouds hang like cotton candy there and look as though you could touch them. The greens are vibrant and constant. White birch trees are plentiful and gather in forests so deep you could lose yourself. People are friendly to a point but mostly respectful of your feelings and your privacy. Wine and laughter flow freely. It's a wonderful place and one I know I will go to again and again.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

I'm experiencing some serious burn out on my job lately. Don't get me wrong...I love what I do. Still, this time of year I can think of a million other things I'd rather be doing and a million other places I'd rather be. Each morning, I have to give myself a pep talk to get myself going. I come to work ready for the day, get a few hours into it and then...blah, blah, blah.

Summer has always been hard for me. The weather outside is beautiful and I want to be anywhere but here. My mind is full of wanderlust. I want to be off on our trip to Sweden. I want to start a project like going back to school. I want to get out and live a little. Sometimes it gets so bad that I am merely checking off time between work stuffs to get to the end of the day. Today is one of those days. I crammed my morning full of letter writing, contacting people, answering questions and dealing with clients and now, at 3pm, my mind is off on a tangent and when a work question arises it becomes more of an inconvenience than anything else.

Even though I do like my job, I'm kind of over it too. I've done this for a very long time and I have to think there is more to look forward to than 9 hours of this each day. I'm feeling punchy. And I like my coworkers very much too but I'm longing for new faces and new places. I need an adventure. Something that will last for the rest of my life. Not just a vacation...a real adventure. New beginnings and all that.

I've had this feeling many times before. I try very hard to keep it in check so I don't fly off and do something I will really regret later. Like quit my job! I'm not that silly. Really, I'm not. I'm sure something will come along to divert my attention. Maybe school. Maybe a plan to move, once and for all. Its out there. I just have to be patient and think it through rationally.

In the meantime, I will plug away here and try very hard not to hide under my desk. Of course, it's kind of nice under there...quiet...and no one can find me!