Annoyance...and a dream...

I am slightly more than annoyed at work these days. There's not really one thing that does it. It's a culmination of things that build up over time and they grate on my nerves which eventually causes me to want to say "f... this" and get away. Last week was prime example. Just a lot of chuckleheads getting on my nerves. By Friday evening it was all I could do to get home, away from people, and hide.

It is not that I hate my job, because I don't. I like my job. The job stuff is a symptom of a greater problem. The problem being...I want to go away.

I am longing for a change. A change in scenery would be a good start. I keep watching those House Hunter International shows hoping to see one that takes place in Sweden. I want to move there so badly I can taste it. I can see myself living there. I can see myself learning to get out and about my new community and making new friends and spending time with my Swedish family. I can see Alex and I deciding what to do on a weekend and going into Stockholm to take in the sights, sounds and smells. God, I want it so bad.

Problem is, we just cannot afford it right now. Sweden is hugely expensive - so much more so than here - and, we know, we have it pretty good here right now. Still, I look at photos and videos of Sweden daily and deep inside wish there was some way we could go. I know we'll get there next year for a visit but I mean, go, really go! To live there, forever. That's my dream. I hope one day it can come true.

Wanderlust...

Heading into the work week my mind is still full of the thoughts I was having over the weekend. I'm longing to go somewhere. I know this is because it's summer and summer is the time when I would get to go on some kind of vacation. This year it's not possible and, I gotta tell you, it's getting hard to concentrate on anything because I am really wanting to go away.

It doesn't help that I have so many great Internet friends from all over the world you have been posting photos of summer in their homelands. I pour over their blogs and emails and wish that I was there.

There's Esther, who is now in Sweden on her own vacation, but who lives in Niger and each day she posts absolutely beautiful photos of what's going on at the Eden Foundation. Those bright blue skies and brilliant sunsets are stunning!

Then there's Lilly, who now lives in Sweden, and she posts her latest attempts at cooking and baking and tells her readers of the things she's learning as she assimilates to living in a foreign country.

There's the rest of the "Fikaganget" - that great group of people who share their days with me, some abroad, some right here in the US, all of them interesting, lovely people.

I am longing to travel. I want to pack up, get on a plane and go. I know exactly where I would go too. It should be no surprise that I would go to Sweden, given the chance. And one of these days I will...and I won't be coming back.

Homesick....

Is it possible to be homesick for a place I've never lived? I'm starting to wonder. This afternoon at work I had a long conversation with a co-worker who was excitedly telling me about her impending vacation plans. She is leaving in a couple of weeks to tour Norway and Sweden. She has family in Norway but she loves Stockholm so she's taking some time away from family to revisit the sights of Stockholm. As she spoke I felt my heart tugging (that green monster again...) and then she shared some photos from the last time she was there.

Afterwards, I spent part of my lunch hour looking at photos of Sweden via Google Images. I want to be there so badly! I saw some photos of places I had been and instantly my memories swept my up.

I know that I am destined to live in Sweden one day. I know there is some time yet before that can happen and MANY exciting things to happen before then. But I do love getting swept up in the dream and the knowledge that one day it will be true.

A sigh of relief and dreams of far away...

I'm in one of my moods. We've been going through an audit at work and blah blah blah...I spent so much time dealing with that today I can't even write about it. The real thing on my mind is that I just don't want to be here anymore. No, not not here as in not existing...I mean not here as in not here in Wisconsin anymore.

Now that there is a definite plan to eventually move to Sweden I want it to happen now. But it can't. So my very impatient inner child is having a temper tantrum. I know, I know...we're getting closer. But closer means it's still a couple of YEARS away and, dammit, that's too long!! I mean, it's in sight but still so far out of touch. So I scour the net for Swedish news and music and articles and photos and contact my Swedish "family" and watch the DVDs they send me and talk to my Swede several times each day and then...wait.

I have pictured in my mind how it will be so many times that it is almost palpable. I can see it. I am there. At least in my thoughts. And my heart. I can tell you, the day we pack up the last of whatever it is we will send ahead of us and then get on that plane will be the happiest day of my life. I want it now. NOW!