Making plans...

I like making plans. Sometimes they come to fruition, sometimes not. For instance, later this year we are planning to travel to Sweden to help my papa-in-law celebrate his birthday. I'm fairly certain that is a plan that will come to fruition. Now that my knee is healing and I'm walking somewhat normally again I'm pretty sure I'll be able to navigate an airport come October. Lately though, Alex and I have been talking about bigger plans. We've been tossing around the idea of buying a house or a condo. It's something that's been on our minds for a while now and certainly something we can do if we set our minds to it.

The difference this time is, I think, we have seen our way through one major purchase thus far - a new car. We got it financed and have been paying it off. Alex, being so frugal, has been able to pay it off much faster than we ever anticipated too which is great! And I think that's made us realize that we can move forward on getting our own place. Not that we don't love our little apartment. We do. But it's little. And not entirely ours. We need some more room.

Ideally, we would like two bedrooms. One for us and one for guests that could also be used for our studio. A nice kitchen is a plus. And we realized after looking around that we love our current location so we really don't want to stray too far from the neighborhood we're currently in. So, we are making plans! I like planning. It makes me happy to look forward and have dreams. There's just something happy about that.

And happiness is where it's at!

Looking ahead whilst looking back...

I sat down at my laptop the other day to write down a story about a memory that I wanted to be sure I didn't forget and suddenly I had ten pages of my life written down. I don't know if anyone else would find it interesting or even mildly amusing but it's been very cathartic to write it. Who knows? Maybe if I ever get it completed I will self publish it and see what happens. In looking back at some of the strange and funny and even usual stuff that I've been through, I started to really appreciate where I am now and looking forward to where I want to be. I have some big plans for my future, the least of which is moving to a whole other country to live. It's no secret that I want to live in Sweden. I can't explain my love of Sweden since I am not Swedish at all. My roots are Polish and Irish and, while I want to see those countries too, I know that I really want to live in Sweden. There is a sensibility and honesty in Sweden that I haven't felt anywhere else. They live simply but do it well with great dignity and a quiet pride in their heritage. Yet, in spite of their deep history, they are the most forward thinking people I know. I am in love with the way they incorporate their modern ways, simple, useful design and clean lines with the historic old ways. New buildings that blow my mind live right next to old, ancient buildings that are still in use and the whole city landscape is breath taking. They also love and appreciate nature in a way that is amazing. Green spaces thrive within city limits and, sometimes, within the buildings themselves. Swedes revel in the spring and summer because the winters there are long and dark. Sunshine is greeted by people taking to the streets and congregating in city centers to soak it up. And the city centers are clean and kept that way. The first time I went to Sweden I felt instantly at home. I felt a part of it and I'm not even sure why! I just did and I want more of it. So much more that I want to live there. I have spent hours looking at apartment for rent sites on line and perusing Swedish home goods and furnishings. I will be ready when the time comes. Of course, looking back on my life, I know I have a great family here and, when I move, I will miss them all dearly and probably call them all the time. But they have their own families here and I know our bond will not diminish just because I am over the pond. I've spent almost my entire life in this one place, this one spot. I just realized I've worked at the same place for the past 19 years! I never would have imagined that I would do that. Inside of me is a person that longs to be among other cultures and new people and I've decided that the last part of my life will be spent in Sweden. It helps that I have Alexander. I know he longs to return to Sweden too and we're working towards that goal little by little. We'll get there. We know that. The funny thing is that, in some ways, I am almost more Swedish than he is! Oh sure, he's from there and all but I am constantly seeking out more information on Sweden. I think he thinks I'm a bit crazy! One person I know that would be completely behind my wanting to move abroad would have been my Dad. He was always wishing he could have travelled and he never got the chance. If he were here he would tell me to go for it! And it's his spirit that I inherited. Yes, my life has been great and is great right now but like I said - I have big plans and my life is going to get so much better!!

Annoyance...and a dream...

I am slightly more than annoyed at work these days. There's not really one thing that does it. It's a culmination of things that build up over time and they grate on my nerves which eventually causes me to want to say "f... this" and get away. Last week was prime example. Just a lot of chuckleheads getting on my nerves. By Friday evening it was all I could do to get home, away from people, and hide.

It is not that I hate my job, because I don't. I like my job. The job stuff is a symptom of a greater problem. The problem being...I want to go away.

I am longing for a change. A change in scenery would be a good start. I keep watching those House Hunter International shows hoping to see one that takes place in Sweden. I want to move there so badly I can taste it. I can see myself living there. I can see myself learning to get out and about my new community and making new friends and spending time with my Swedish family. I can see Alex and I deciding what to do on a weekend and going into Stockholm to take in the sights, sounds and smells. God, I want it so bad.

Problem is, we just cannot afford it right now. Sweden is hugely expensive - so much more so than here - and, we know, we have it pretty good here right now. Still, I look at photos and videos of Sweden daily and deep inside wish there was some way we could go. I know we'll get there next year for a visit but I mean, go, really go! To live there, forever. That's my dream. I hope one day it can come true.

30 Letters in 30 Days...Day Five: my dreams...

Dear Dreams,

First of all, I want to thank you for being there for me to get me through the really rough times in my life. I know I have always been a dreamer. Even though some of you will never come true - my chances of winning an Oscar are slim to none - I will always remember you fondly. Honestly though, many of you have come true which has been a really good thing.

For instance, I've always dreamed of traveling and now I can say proudly that I have been to Europe and Scandinavia and will be going back there soon. I've also seen more places in the US than most of my family! I love that I have been able to fulfill that dream.

I've also always dreamed of having someone in my life who loves me for me and makes me feel good about myself every single day. And I have done that too! That particular dream came true in two parts. I can honestly say that my first husband also loved me very much. If we hadn't grown so far apart that might have been good enough. But I needed more than that and now I have exactly what I need. I have a husband who is like me in every way and who keeps me going even when I feel like giving up.

I still have dreams that haven't been realized yet. My dream to live abroad for one. I have a deep feeling that will come true one of these days. I will hold onto that one and never let it go.

So, my dreams, you have been good to me. I know some of you I will never see but just having you at the time kept me going. I can let those go now. On to bigger and better dreams! And one day they will all come true!

With love,
Mary

In a perfect world...

I would be a svelte 150 lbs and not addicted to potato chips.

I would have all the money I ever needed and never really need any of it.

I would give my friends one, wildly fabulous gift every year for the rest of their lives, just because I could.

I would build an amazing temporary homeless shelter in Kenosha, far from crazy neighbors who protest that kind of thing, and then provide curb to door limo service, 24 hours per day, 365 days per year to get people to the shelter. And I would have hot meals and showers for everyone.

The shelter would be temporary because from the first time someone showed up they would be on the permanent housing list and I would build them their own homes, and pay their mortgage off in one year.

I would be able to tap dance.

I would travel wherever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to and wouldn't have to worry about cost or a job.

I would go to a lot of the best places on earth.

I would go to ALL of the worst places, and make them better in some way.

I would empower women to speak up for themselves and teach them to never, ever let anyone, let alone a man, put them down , take them for granted or hurt them in any way.

I would buy all children everywhere books to read. Lots of them. And I would teach their parents the importance of reading to their kids. Heck, I would make sure that no child, anywhere, goes to bed hungry, cold or scared. And if someone hurts a child, I would hurt them back. HARD.

I would change the color of my hair every week.

I would have a horse, maybe two. And I would ride it all the time.

I would just yell out, "Hellurrr!" at the top of my lungs for no reason at random intervals.

I would hug someone everyday.

I would always be loved.

I would make sure the people I loved know it, every day.

I would never eat diet food again.

I would choose a random name from a phone book from somewhere in the US and just send that person a million dollars with no explanation why but with one hitch...they would have to use $100, 000 of it to make a difference in their town.

I would eradicate mental illness.

I would cure Autism.

I would make my niece walk and talk.

I would have as many pets as I wanted and no one could do anything about it. Even monkeys.

I would make you smile.

If I could do anything I wanted to do...

I would buy this really cool old building downtown Kenosha, WI. It used to be Herman's Drug store and Park Liquors. I would put in a real, old fashioned soda fountain with real, old fashioned soda jerks, complete with white uniforms and little paper hats. I would serve real, old fashioned ice cream treats. And the rest of the store would be full of old fashioned candy and new fangled candy. My sister would have her own candy counter for her home-made, hand-dipped chocolates.

I would make one of the big front windows and open air service area so people could just walk right up and order their ice cream.

It would be great! Yup, that's what I would do if I could do anything I wanted.

Dreams of projects yet to come...

Last night, as a tried to fall asleep, I started thinking about how to reconfigure/redecorate this place to make room for Alexander's stuff and make this apartment more like a home. As it is, it's more of a place for stuff and more stuff that's placed about with reckless abandon. I think I've decided to start with the living room and, in particular, the computer area. Right now the computer is sitting on an antique table given to me by my mom. That needs to make it's way into the kitchen so I'll be on the look out for a new computer desk. Anyway, however this works out it's been on my mind. I think I even dreamt I carried the sofa out to the yard myself. Weird.

Another home project is the flooring in this place. The guy who lived here before me had a late night incident that resulted in his carpeting the entire place. He came home drunk, decided to take a bath, let the water run, passed out on his sofa and flooded the entire apartment. So he replaced all the flooring with carpet. I now have carpet in the bathroom (yuck), kitchen (double yuck) and living room and bedroom. I hate it! Impossible to clean and I've been through more vacuum cleaners than I care to mention. I would love to tear it all up and replace it but that's a long term plan. It will cost me so that just has to wait.

Then I want to paint the walls, replace the windows, redo the trim... ack! too many to count! And this isn't even going to be our permanent place!!